dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
