Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
