I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
