oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
someone owes me an orgasm
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize