We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
