You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
