We need to rekindle our bromance
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
