guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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