I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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