I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
