There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize