Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
