I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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