i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
