it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
