We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
