she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
