he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
