do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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