There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
