think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
