is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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