Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
