my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
