so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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