I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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