If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
