Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it glows. i had to have it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
