I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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