My nipple is on Facebook.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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