I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
