well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
