So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
