like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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