I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
