i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize