Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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