Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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