I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
