he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
