I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
