Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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