I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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