Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
