she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize