dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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