We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
