Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
