Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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