we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
