she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize