Apparently you make a good broom.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
