his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
