I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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