I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
