ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
