my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
