Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
