A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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