We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
