you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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