the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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