She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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