remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
