U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
