i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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