drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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