its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize